In a dream I hung off a cliff,
Fingers gripping as I dangled.
A boy came and grabbed my hands,
And I did.
Sprawled limp on a boulder,
I saw myself and saw light.
There are no words for what I knew
In that moment between death and life.
And set me free. I
“Wait! One day you will fall in love and be with your wife and find that life monotonous.
You will think of me and wish for nothing else but to touch me.
You will call me and we will have the most amazing, but poignant conversation.
You won’t be able to touch me because you will really love your wife enough.
And then you will understand the pain I feel.”
What if I’m the part of my mom she’s ashamed of, so she says, “you’re a Rag!” With distaste.
It’s as if you walked out of the pages from my diary when I was twelve. It was my sacred diary with a castle on the cover and a cheap metallic painted lock with tiny key that held my deepest secrets. I had an untainted ideal of love and who my soulmate would be.
After years of convincing myself that man was a silly fantasy, here you stand.
Now and then I wish there wasn’t a hint of a stain.
It would make falling in love simple,
But a piece of me is at peace with everything because that slight makes me believe this life is real.
Life is real
Life is real
Life is real.
And that’s magnificent!
I have been shattered into a thousand pieces
And those who love puzzles have tried to piece me back together,
Each confident they made me whole,
Manipulating some of the pieces that wouldn’t fit and wedging them in to fill in the gaps,
Not realizing that each time I was taken apart,
That I couldn’t be the same.
And some pieces no longer belonged.
And it pained me to have someone mold me to their idea of completion.
When all I needed was to be received with holes, broken, and left over pieces.
I wish I could build a time machine and visit all those hideously damaged people who have murdered and killed.
I wish I could visit them as children and give them a hug and tell them they are loved and their superpower is to love.
I don’t know if that would have made a difference but i imagine it could just as much as I imagine I could be a super hero and build time machines one day.
I wasn’t done with you,
And premature evacuation sucks.