Musingnude #15 (on motherhood)

When I watch them, I am utterly amazed at the miracle of life. Sometimes I wonder how I was able to co create and raise these kids and regardless of my flaws, fears, inadequacy, how they are turning out better than anything I could have planned and drawn out. 

I could barely keep a fish alive before and somehow something instinctual and some higher power has guided me to birth these two and they are, to me, the most amazing, sweet, and crazy human beings I have ever met. 

Even when they are screaming and crying, I love them. 

The other day Elijah got upset and he growls and kicks and yells and really every out of line action. When he calms down I go to talk to him. He says,”mom I have anger issues.” “Oh so you know? Ok how should we figure out how to not act on them…” And he’s sweet again and loving and tells me,”I love you.”

Today Clary was back and forth crazy and sweet. He broke a glass terranium because he couldn’t find his toy train. Got in trouble and ran into Elijah’s room, slammed the door and laid in bed saying,”I’m bad.” I said,”your a good boy, your a sweet boy.” And this two year old says uh uh. “I’m not sweet. I’m a bad boy.” Finally cheers up and we play and tickle and he just shouts,”I love you mom.” And things are good for a couple hours. Then he throws another fit because he wants to play with my palette of eyeshadow with his feet and I won’t let him. Which leads to another rampage. I give him the pallete to hold and he goes back to the bedroom and cuddles with this big makeup box and falls asleep cuddling it and wanting me to stroke his hair. 

And I suppress a little giggle because of the silliness of it, and at the same time am exhausted at the energy spent playing and soothing him. 

And the boys are alive and healthy and beautiful and craziness and all, I wouldn’t change a single thing. 

The miracle of life is amazing. ​