“Mommy, am I a black person?”“Why do you ask that?” I’m amazed at the sweetness and sincerity he’s asking me.“I want to be a black person because I don’t want to be a white person if they are bad.”“Baby, do you understand what that means? Do you understand the difference between a black person and a white person?”He shakes his head no.“Aww baby people are good and bad by their actions. Being white doesn’t make a person bad,”“And being black doesn’t mean you can’t be bad too?”“Yes baby, we can be all those things by how we act and treat others.Come here, let’s go have this conversation with Smores.”We walk over to the bedroom and I ask Clarence to ask Mars what he thinks.“Smores, am I a black person?”And I catch him up on our dialogue. We both look at one another with smiling and knowing the wisdom of this question.“Clary, well you are an Asian person, mommy is an Asian person, I’m a black person, your sub is a white person but we are all people.”“So my sub is a good person too…”“Yes Clary, we are all good people if we are kind and nice to each other,”Mars explains to him, “we are all human.”“Do you understand the difference of why you are Asian and Smores black and your teacher white?”He looks at me bright eyed, then shakes his head no.I look again at Smores and we are both in awe.“It just means where our ancestors, parents And grand parents come from, like Korea, or Africa, but we are also here in America.”But I love the fact that he doesn’t see race, and I look as his eyes grow heavy and he falls asleep just like that.Mars says, “I’ve seen Clarence just like this since the first day I met him and he said to me, ‘I like you,’ as he touched my face and looked at me big eyed and genuine. He just approached me and knew I was receiving him with love, but I knew he was special that he just came up to me when he just met me. He just feels the good energy.”I’m joyful. “honestly, I love that he doesn’t see race. He just sees we are all different shades of human. I want to just let him stay this pure a little longer.”“This is what I’ve always said. Racism is taught.”Mars and I have been quoting Clarence’s words from a couple weeks ago in our daily talks and jests.We were all sitting in the bedroom, each watching our own shows one evening and sharing what we found funny. Elijah and Mars next to him and I, myself, half dangling off the the bed with my head hanging to be near them sitting on the rug.Clarence just starts laughing out loud saying with amusement, “it’s kind of funny, but we all kind of look alike.” He laughs again so amused at his own epiphany, “But me and Smores, we look exactly alike.” He squeals with laughter at the revelation as Mars, Elijah, and I look at one another than start cracking up because it’s so real, and Mars exclaims laughing so happily, “Yes Clary, but me and you, we look EXACTLY alike!” And we all continue to laugh as I am bursting from heart to toe. “Yes Clarence!” I shout, “we do all kind of look alike, but you and Smores, you guys look Exactly alike.!”

Allegory of the Cave

I’ve been thinking a lot of Plato’s Allegory of the Cave recently.
Imagine prisoners tide up side by side in darkness placed in front of a blank stone wall. The prisoners can turn their heads nor move so that they can’t see one another. Behind them there is a fire and the captors have people walking in front of the fire with puppets so that it casts a shadow upon the wall the prisoners stare at. Any sounds and talk, these prisoners believe come from the shadows in the wall. This is the reality they live in and they have no knowledge of people or the captors behind them.
One day they are set free and have to crawl through a narrow tunnel to an opening into the outer world. When first reaching the outside they see the light of the sun and it’s blaring and painful because they’ve only known darkness their whole life. It hurts their eyes and burn their skin, so they retreat back into the comfort of their darkness into the only reality they’ve known their whole life, not understanding it’s been an illusion.
However a few realize there is something more outside and decide to go back into the light. Over time their eyes adjust and the sun feels good. They realize in that moment that the shadows they thought were real were only replications of what is real under the sun while some stay in the darkness, those who go outside can finally live free.
What I believe is the reality can hurt when you live in the comfort of illusion for so long, but eventually the light of reality is the only way to live a life beautiful and free.

allegoryofthecave #plato #reality #illusions #freedom #justiceforahmaudarbery

God is Warm

Little Clary asks, “what does the word God mean?”

And I think, “hmmm well he’s the word of creation, the one who created everything.”

“But he’s not real right,” questions, “because I can’t see him?”

“Well he means to have faith. You can’t see God because it takes faith, like love, you can’t see love but you feel love right?”

“Why did God make you so warm? I can’t see you warm but I can feel you warm.”

And he speaks poetry to me in every word he says.

“Yes baby, it’s like feeling warm.”

The Red Road

I fell a hundred times

Face planting into concrete and mud,

Painted scars making lines of red like markers from my cuts

Dripping down to the ground.

Bruised but not broken,

I got up to rise in the path I chose,

Walking off the path most trampled on.

A hundred times trying to step away,

To run back to my spirit screaming “come back!,”

A hundred times returning to where I belong,

Cuz the voice of my heart

Shouts so loud my mind can’t hide

From the call to be free from the confines of the normal kind

Of a life which could have been more safe and sound,

But happiness only in step on a road less traveled.

A hundred times

Shaking doubt and tired pursuit,

To live the life I can’t deny,

Because I was born this way

To rise above what was taught to those in my time.

Throne

Every day I thank the lord

For what I have today.

So many years to get me here,

So many tears to bring me near,

So many fears I’ve shed to peer

Into the light that made me clear

That I’ve been home all along,

Despite some doubts, though I’ve been wrong,

And all I had to do was jump,

Shattering walls and climb the hump,

Of fallacies and maladies,

To bring me to my seat beside

The throne where I belong.

Excerpts from “Letters in the Dark” #5

It’s as if you walked out of the pages from my diary when I was twelve. It was my sacred diary with a castle on the cover and a cheap metallic painted lock with tiny key that held my deepest secrets. I had an untainted ideal of love and who my soulmate would be.

After years of convincing myself that man was a silly fantasy, here you stand.

Letters in the Dark #4

Now and then I wish there wasn’t a hint of a stain.

It would make falling in love simple,

But a piece of me is at peace with everything because that slight makes me believe this life is real.

Life is real

Life is real

Life is real.

And that’s magnificent!

Shattered Pieces

I have been shattered into a thousand pieces

And those who love puzzles have tried to piece me back together,

Each confident they made me whole,

Manipulating some of the pieces that wouldn’t fit and wedging them in to fill in the gaps,

Not realizing that each time I was taken apart,

That I couldn’t be the same.

And some pieces no longer belonged.

And it pained me to have someone mold me to their idea of completion.

When all I needed was to be received with holes, broken, and left over pieces.