I’ve been writing all night and all morning trying to come to terms with what has happened. 

The dread I felt was real.

The fear I felt was real.

I keep flip flopping back and forth to stay positive and then knowing how horrible this actually is. 

On one hand, my 2 year old woke up happy as ever, saying,”I’m hungry mom.” As he does every morning to wake me up. He sang Twinkle Twinkle in the morning. He laughs and hugs me and tells me how much he loves me. And for this I want to move forth from a place of love and peace. 

On the other hand, Trump made promises that I hope he cannot keep. For some, more than others, this is valid fear they are feeling. I feel it is insensitive to ignore that our brothers and sisters and walking around in fear of what might happen to them and their families. Trump began this race igniting fear and scapegoating one side of America that he had no part of. I can not just say, we just have to stay positive because now is the time to be even more vigilant and fight harder and stand taller. We need to acknowledge that this is real and not just hope it will all be ok. 

So I’m torn. 

The clock ticks.

It sounds the same,

It does not feel the same. 

My heart is heavy,

But it is still filled with love

And that love is telling me that it is right to feel pain and loss as much as it is ok to laugh and sing songs with my children. 

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