Two Stupid Silly Little Girls

As a young girl, I would love the feelings nearing the end of autumn.
Not for the beauty of the bright adorned red, yellow, and orange sidewalks of my suburban walks, nor for the crisp cool air that would color my cheeks rosy and chill my nose, but I loved the melancholy that had me feeling like the croning Sylvia Plath type adorned in black head to toe with crimson lips.
And as the end of fall drew nearer and they started blaring Christmas carols throughout all the commercially driven businesses, you and I, we would svelte out Christmas tunes through the streets while talking about how we were the two most beautifully minded orphans with cardboard parents that ever were.
Stupid silly little girls we were.
You, I’d call the nun for your prudish demeanor, and I would be the slut because to a prude, it wouldn’t really take too much to bear such a glamorous title.
But we were hyperbolic.
Our dreams would be set in a field of lush, green, pungent organic herbs sparkling in the sun in all the hues of green and purple and orange and beauty.
The two of us sitting with nothing but our sometimes morbid, but mostly hopeful dialogues about absolutely nothing would smoke fatties and enjoy the year round sun in our bikinis in this vision we had of early utopian retirement. And my Momma would quip, “And won’t you two find men to marry?”
“Ha, we don’t need men!” You’d pronounce proudly with your head held high.
While I’d mumble how we’d figure out those details when it happens.
Such fools we were with hearts of heroes and wits of dreamers.
But then one day you left me.
The parting is inevitable if we are to grow and become women and raise families and build realities.
Except maybe that was only for me because you left and went off to our paradise in the sun filled island where you are probably laying in front of that hut we built with our hearts. And here comes the end of fall and I could hear the Christmas songs playing everywhere! Even in my own car where they are being sung by my own little dreamer in a voice more angelic than both you and I ever had.
And I know why I felt nostalgic for a time in my youth that must have come from this present. You decided to leave this chill because you believed in dreams of two stupid silly little girls who thought they knew why and how the world spun.
And I’m left here carrying on and growing older and wiser, expect my heart will always stay stupid and silly so that I can see you there one day.
Dedicated to Debbie Shin.