Musing Nude #8

Cleaning closet today, I unburied those nasty little skeletons that collected so much dust that I had completely forgotten they exist.
An old journal that catalogued two years of the last years of an old depression and the last page ending with hope of what I am today brings much light as to why I followed this path to attaining true happiness, but I must have become delirious because the dark past really had just been a smear in my noggin chest. But if my past could only see me now, how proud she would be. I had even forgotten as to why I cringe at unpleasant news, talk, emotion, anything.
Maybe the real healing just took place laying on a couch as one would assume, but the person holding the pad and pen scribbling away as the couched one rambles in the story of her life are both me, but I was lying on my mint couch holding a journal under a bright light answering questions I had asked and also a-ha-ing the whole time because there were things I knew and that dark person still is me, but laying under mild energy saving bulbs drinking ginger instead of shots of tequila trying to, what I used to call, slow suicide ingesting purposeful poison.
So to quote the very beginning of this me I know now from my trip back to my very last journal entry on August 16, 2001, “Confusion coils around each nerve on my body. Love is the reason behind all the confusion that tortured my heart and corrodes my mind. However, without it I would seize to be Hannah and therefore seize to exist so to be who I am, I need that one element in life that I would rather do without. LOVE!”
And so it is….

The Boy Who Fell in Love with the Sun and Moon

There once was a boy who would wake after the sun rose and sleep before sunset.
But one night he had a night filled with incredible dreams of birds and light. It stirred him wake right before dawn.
He looked out the window for it was the very first time no light shone through. Right as he peaked, the first gentle ray of shine shot through and he caught his first glimpse of the Sun.
He fell in love.
He ran outside and spread his arms to stretch himself as big as he could so that the warmth from the Sun would make his face tingle.
He ran and laughed with the sun.
As the weeks went by and the boy grew stronger, darker, and livelier, he would yell up to the sky as loud as he could, “Thank you for seeing me every day, I love you!” As he let the echoes carry his message to the light.
Then one day the boy felt such an energy that kept him up until the sun began to sink down over the valley.
“Where are you going Sun! Please do not leave me.” He felt a pain in his chest and fear began to come close with the growing shadow of the night.
“Sun, please do not leave me! I am scared!” And he curled into himself,
His arms wrapped tightly over his shins and his head tucked. The first heartache is always the hardest.
But he felt a soothing upon his back and glanced upward.
In the night sky a beautiful light, not like the sun, bright and warm,
but a whiteblue light made the lines in his sight glow an enchanted bright.
Again the boy fell in love.
Wiping the tears from him eyes he looked to the sky and whispered,
“And I love the Sun. But Moon how I do love your light! It makes me calm.”
The boy stayed up most of the night singing new songs, and drawing marvelous pictures of the images in his mind.
He kept smiling as he glanced up at the always changing, yet always the same familiar smiling Moon.
As weeks passed and the boy continued to play with both the Sun and the Moon, he began to feel weak.
His limbs were thinning, the bright eyes that reflect both the rays of the Sun and light of the Moon began to dim.
When he saw his beloved Sun he yelled, “I love you Sun, but I am not feeling so strong.”
Later that same evening he whispered to the magnificent Moon, “You know how I love you, but my voice is too hoarse for song tonight.”
He soon fell asleep for a couple days and had the most incredible dreams full of light and love. In his dream he saw how the Sun wrapped his warmth around him and he would stare at the Moon with love. The Moon gave him a wink and wrapped his arms around something deep inside of him and he knew. “My skin needs the Sun, but the skin of my heart feels the Moon in a fancy.”
When he awoke just in time to see the Sun peak through the trees,
The boy shouted, “I love you Sun.” Laughing out loud with the strength that he felt pushing through the core of his belly. After saying goodnight to the sun, the boy waited for his moon.
“I love you Moon! But I must lie down now” and with a heavy heart and a little misty from the parting he went to sleep.”
The boy, in his slumber, was heard laughing through the house because he saw the Moon in his dreams as he spread his owl wings and noticed his songs came out with a “Hoot!”


The Feminine


Have you ever considered how a flower just pulls into itself all the goodness, the compassion, the love, the thing that makes you hum with mouth closed and lips pressed together softly, slightly upturned, with the riches of the earth to make it grow vibrant and beautiful and fragrant, always present just so it can pass unto us the beauty of more than pleasant aesthetics married with life producing pollen that attract the ever busy buzzing bee which sustains life?


Yes! I was speechless when I first wondered too!

Remember the Speck

The telescope looks out far into the universe to look towards the humongous systematics floating around the heavens in order to find other bodies in the grand scheme of the one body.
The microscope,
The microscope looks deep into the body in order to magnify the smallest
What goes beyond a quark and how far can we travel into our own universe which is one universe?
Can we magnify limitlessly?
Or do we just know that it is.
What is what is is what is and that’s truth.
I once wrote a one page philosophy paper on what is truth.

Feel that?

A universe in a speck on a clover in my hands on a speck in the universe inside of me shooting outside into other universes.

Feel that?

Dr Suess has been whispering to me.
Or could it be the four year old boy, age old soul lying beside me mumbling truths that I will nurture with all my love so he can always believe the things we sometimes forget with age.